contradictingmyself as always

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dear all anoynomous, kindly click the x button at the top right hand corner if you find the content here disturbing. thanks. :)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

sometimes i choose to end conversations/is reluctant to start conversations because replies just seem totally uninterested.

Im starting to dread/fear uninterested conversations (where pple just seem totally uninterested to talk to u). I end up not pressing the dial button even though ive dialled the numbers. :( im starting to have this hmm...phobia i guess.

Maybe this is a start.

I know. I am just another person, just like everyone else.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

从前从前...

Friday, December 04, 2009

even though ive to wake up in 3 hrs time for work, but im wide awake. :( i have so many thoughts in my head, i cant slp.

Perhaps family and looking for a job is my main priority right now. And maybe the rest is not important.

Sometimes i question my own importance, and i realized that im probably only impt to 2 people, my parents. i think im in a resign-to-fate state, where you realized that everything else is no longer an expectation but its a bonus to you when things happen. And if they dont, it will just appear as part of being normal.

Labels: 5.38am

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Freedom smells good for now. :)
Oh well, everything is short-lived anyways, right?

Need to get a job soon, and start helping my dad out with the family expenses.

Got to save up.
- Wanna go on a grad trip, and hopefully buy myself a dslr and/or a necklace soon. haha. im damn useless, all i can think of is spending money. :( but well, we'll see.

For once, this is gonna be a happy post. :)

Labels: Today marks the end of my academic life

Monday, November 23, 2009

arghhh. v irritated with myself. :(
super lack of focus, cant seem to concentrate and yet i cant pull myself out of bed till late afternoon everyday. :( if you see this, pls ring me at noon to get me outta bed ok? Just keep calling till i talk to u in a normal voice. Pls do, at least up till 30 Nov. I already refrained myself frm watching dramas (im so glued to the tv) and yet its not working. I end up fb-ing, and even if i dont fb, i start surfing photography sites and if not, i end up slping. ARGH. :( its weird huh. during exam period, i'll do ANYTHING but study.

i tried to befriend the notes, but i just cldnt. it refused to talk to me. it completely knocked me out on lecture 1. :(( someone help me pls? think i shld stop procrastinating even though i only have one paper.

on the other note, looking forward to my family trip! :) its been a longggggg time.
maybe this time rd i'll enjoy posing for pictures much more than the past? haha. (recall the conversation that i had with the cinderella who turned pumpkin last night. :) now we both know where we got those photography genes frm. haha.) maybe its reverse roles this time round? haha.

its also amazingly weird tt my blog posts gets longer when its closer to my paper.

anyway, how can one change drastically without a triggering pt?
- its not a comment/ques, its a concern.

i must admit that most girls think its the outcome that matter, but not for me. If i really think that the outcome matters more, then why i am still here?
its the process, we all know it. but the ques is, so what? nothing is going to change anyway, we're still gg downhill.
and all i cld really do is probably watch it go down.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

And so im graduating soon (like real soon). Kinda mixed emotions though. I dont exactly look forward to graduation, neither do i dread graduating. The good thing is i will probably be able to gain financial independence and help my dad with the family expenses IF i land myself a job. The bad thing (which is a more realistic outcome) is that i probably won't be able to get myself a job anytime soon especially with the bad job market out there. :( Don't tell me i might be lucky and all, coz i nv am and i don't believe in luck. even if it exist, it probably won't reach me. :) and so im doomed isnt it? As much i don't believe in paper chase and all, the world is eating me up by putting gpa on the table. awesome.

i used to know what i want to do, but as i grew older i lose my dreams along the way too. funny huh? ha.

That aside. each time round when i go thru a different phase of my life e.g. TP to SMU, i get v emotional. i hate the part abt leaving. The entire part. :( but oh well, i guess tts just me. Don't know why i start writing such a random post at 5am.

As emotional as i can get, sometimes i get too emotional in other aspects of life too. :( Arghhh i hate it. Oh well, lets hope tmr will be a better day. I'm sure it will be. We'll see. :)

Its kinda hard to adapt to the split personality, really. :(
but i always hope that u're alright. even though sometimes work takes a toil on you, but i know u'll be fine coz u're enjoying what u're doing. :)
and tts comforting enough to know. :)

Labels: time check: 5.39am

what if winning a competition can offer a glimpse of hope to someone who really needs the hope? worth it isnt it? :)

Labels: time check: 5.19am

Saturday, November 21, 2009

your split personality kinda kills me. :(

Thursday, November 19, 2009

~~its crazy how this whole telepathy thing works.~~
~~its not true, its all coincidence.~~

Monday, November 16, 2009

i cant stop you, its all up to u.

Love is giving someone the chance to hurt you and trusting that he wont.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

i hate how u treat me like a convenient good.
why am i still shamelessly staying here?

My heart is damaged.

Friday, November 06, 2009

wished you were here. to pull me thru this killer week . :(

Thursday, November 05, 2009

~~第一次是偶然第二次是必然第三次是命中注定~~ - this is crap.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been

Friday, October 30, 2009

coz i knw u aint here anymore, and it aint me anymore. :(

what a contradicting picture.

Kinda need to start heading towards this direction.

Anyway, below is my fav photo frm Elizabeth Halford thus far. Really love her pictures.

Credits to Elizabeth Halford.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

you used to be nice to me. the key word here is 'used to' i guess. - oh wells. :(

---
自尊也投降
---
不是我不说就不在意空等候
---
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受

changes are inevitable. some ppl will just walk away without any reason. but the more impt ones will definitely stay with u throughout. - chips dear

Labels: because time and space makes a hell load of difference

Thursday, October 22, 2009

because i knw i did all i could.

- thats all for now, or in the near future.

//hate distances.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

because nothing seems real anymore.
and if somethg seems real, then its probably not real, just some kind of self delusion.

why shld i bother?

because u're not there anymore.

Labels: because its all just black and white

Saturday, October 17, 2009

如果分离是唯一的解脱最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过

i've done all i cld and ive said all i cld say. Perhaps its really time to stop going backwards. :(

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"Infatuation is when you find somebody who is absolutely perfect. Love is when you realize that they aren’t and it doesn’t matter." -anonymous

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Put down the fences that you built around

Couldn't we stand by each other

Monday, October 12, 2009

it feels kinda weird talking like 'that'. we're both online, but we're not talking. :((((

想要把你忘记真的好难
---
sometimes its not the outcome that matter, sometimes its not the outcome tt im pursuing. because to me, its how we are right now that matters the most.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Move on.

2 words. So easy to say yet it takes a great deal of effort, time and determination.

Kinda miss this place. Somehow it holds some form of significance for me.

Same place, same seat but its a different story now.

Labels: Take the 99 steps and dont look back

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Fate. - when u miss it, you miss it.

---

If this is how you want it to be, then u've succeeded.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

im back to my 500D comtemplation again. :(
If only money can drop frm the sky. :(

Monday, October 05, 2009

Its true. Men know how to use the phone. They would call/msg if they REALLY care. Period.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

hello S, you got me.

"I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they are right. You believe lies so you can eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together"

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

it comes to a point when people say get on with your life, i don't know how to. because all these while u've been a big part in my life. and when pple say i shld start living like normal, start living my own life, i really don't know how to. i forgot how its like to live like normal, because to me you being part of my life is my normal life.

ok, this is just a denial post. i shld shut up and study my mid terms.

i cant think. i cant slp. i cant concentrate. i cant study.
its hurting so badly that i cant breathe.

是不是越在乎就越失落?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A marble dog that chases cars

They say it takes you a lifetime to find someone whom you can share anything and everything with. Someone who can complete your sentences, someone who knws what u're thinking with just one look, someone who share your dreams, someone who is there thru your ups n downs and someone who takes your breath away like no one else do. Some take a lifetime, and some never found them.

I met one, but we you chose to walk past me.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Why do i feel so terrible? even though i know this day will come someday somehow.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

And so i tell myself, 决定放手就不能回头.

Labels: the last goodbye

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24 Dec 1986
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